It was a holiday emergency.
The Happy Hausfrau, preparing to make her hubby’s favorite Christmastime treat, realized she had forgotten one item at the store. The store that, though open, was teeming with last minute shoppers jacked up on caffeine and misplaced holiday spirit. She did not want to brave that storm.
“Sweetened condensed milk…sweetened condensed milk,” she muttered to herself while staring vainly in her pantry, wishing very much that she was Mrs. Weasley, who was sure to have a spell that could create sweetened condensed milk out of thin air. She stomped her foot a little, thinking that being a Muggle definitely had some serious disadvantages.
The clock was ticking. A mob of family members with zombie-like hunger for sweets and booze would soon be ringing the doorbell and storming the kitchen, leaving nothing in their wake but crumbs, dirty dishes, empty bottles, and creepy Uncle Joe passed out under the kitchen table. The Happy Hausfrau knew she needed to find a substitute. Fast.
After taking a brief, but oh-so-necessary moment to adjust her holiday apron and re-apply her devastatingly red lipstick, the Happy Hausfrau perched in front of her computer, fingers flying over the keyboard. A small, sly smile crossed her face as she read. She may not be Mrs. Weasley, but she had one thing Mrs. Weasley didn’t:
Okay, maybe two things:
Google and scotch.
She typed and clicked, sipped and searched until she found exactly what she needed:
How to Astonish Friends and Make Your Enemies Envious with this Simply Easy Sweetened Condensed Milk Recipe.
Rejoice! Christmas Eve, and the Happy Hausfrau’s husband’s favorite treat (the unfortunately named ‘Fudge Puddles’) were saved!
Recipe: Homemade Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 C. Brown Sugar
1 tsp. Vanilla
2 Tbsp. Flour
1/2 tsp. Baking Powder
1/4 tsp. Salt
Mix all ingredients well; use as a substitute for sweetened condensed milk in recipes for pies, bars, and desserts.
15 thoughts on “Happy Hausfrau: Sweetened Condensed Milk”
I am going to copy this since I have often wished I was Mrs. Weasley as well!
LOL!! Wouldn’t it be so fabulous??
There’s no milk in sweetened condensed milk? How did I get to be this old and not know that?
I know, bizarre, right?? I was kindof blown away by that little fact-nugget. But the fudge in the fudge puddles turned out superb, so I can’t complain!! 🙂
Good to know! Since the real thing does have milk product in it, this is a great idea for the lactose intolerant crowd. Awesome!
I’m with Pat! Holy revelation Batman!
Well, at least we can still count it as a protein: there’s eggs in it! I always like to have a healthy excuse to eat something unhealthy.
So cute 🙂 And they look good!
Love this! I had no idea…then again, the kitchen is where I’m most confused, anyway….:)
Thanks for the recipe I think I would have given up- maybe it’s because I don’t wear red lipstick, I might need to get some 🙂
Darn! And here I thought you were going to make it with scotch 🙂
I’m a longtime fan of sweetened condensed milk! Everythig tastes better with it. And if you put the can in boiling water for about an hour, you get a can of delicious dulce de leche (boil fewer minutes for a spread-like consistency, more for a gelatin-texture you can cut with a knife and eat with a fork).
But, Myndi! Food is the first of the five Principal Exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration…you can’t conjure it out of thin air! Good thing you had Google. 😉
P.S. Great post! Loved the way you wrote it.
LOL. I’m truly a Muggle, through and through. *sigh*
How did we survive without google? Only its 10th anniversary this year. congrats on solving the problem. recipe looks decadent.