Five Things My Mother Used to Say (That I Really Didn’t Get at the Time) – Guest Post by Kassandra Lamb

Today I’m tickled to let Kassandra Lamb hijack my blog. Partly because I’m always happy when someone wants to do the work of blogging for me, but mostly because she’s cool and clever and a really great writer.  

Since she knows I’m in the thick of All Things Motherhood, she’s talking about things her mom used to tell her that never made sense through the eyes of a kid. Now that she’s all grown up, though, she gets it. Do you have memories like that? My mom used to always say (usually in reference to Tom Selek), “That man could eat crackers in my bed.” I never got it until I was a teenager…and then I was all like, “Ewwwww….”

Anyway, here’s Kassandra. You’re going to love her. Promise.

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My mama was the queen of one-line comments on life: ours, hers or some commentary on human existence in general. When I was a kid, I only got what she meant about half the time. Here are a few of my favorites (in the order in which I “got” them).

How ya fixed for spit?  Wha? I just asked for a cookie and she’s talkin’ bout spit? Hope she doesn’t spit on my cookie.

Somewhere around seven, I got it that she was annoyed with little ole whiny, demanding me.

Edelrose_0413 by Leander Schiefer CC BY SA 3pt0 wikiJune roses bloom longer. I was the very, very last girl in my junior high school to develop. I would try to climb into my locker when changing for gym class because I was the only one still wearing an undershirt instead of a training bra (I always wondered exactly how they were supposed to be training one’s boobies… ‘Stand up straight there, soldier!’ ‘Yes, Sir!’)

I was devastated by the good Lord’s lack of generosity in the bosom department, and my mother’s giving me gardening advice?

Fast-forward to my high school five-year reunion. Most of the girls who were voluptuous in seventh grade are now at least a tad overweight, and I am still my naturally thin self. And I could eat just about anything and stay that way. Ah, gotcha, Ma!

Don’t marry the man you think you can live with, marry the one you can’t imagine living without. I was a junior in high school when I had my first serious relationship. I’d had a couple puppy-love ones before that, but this was the real thing (actually it wasn’t, but I thought it was at the time).

I come home from our third date and I’m picking out color schemes for my wedding. Then my mother lays this line on me. What? I’m supposed to live with the guy after I marry him, as in whisker-hairs-in-the-bathroom-sink-smelly-socks-on-the-floor live with him? I hadn’t really thought that far ahead!

US_Navy_070420-N-3321R-004_Sailors_motorcyclists_Oak_Harbor pub domain wiki

Bring on them bad boys! But live with them? Hmm, let me give that some thought.

Seven years later, I’m dating a man who doesn’t make my stomach do somersaults like the bad-boy boyfriends of my past (I’d finally realized that was fear, not love), but he does make me feel loved and secure. Yeah, Ma, got that one!

I’m busier than a one-armed paper hanger. Okay, I still don’t really get this one. But I know now why she chortled every time she said it.

When I was in my early thirties, I interviewed my mother about her childhood as an assignment for a grad school class. I found out some things about my grandfather, who had died before I was born. He was a sweet man and my mother adored him, but he couldn’t hold a job or keep a business going to save his life. This caused her parents to fight a lot, and eventually separate.

The best years of her childhood were the five or so when he did manage to earn a consistent living. During that time, he was a house painter and paper hanger! And that was his favorite one-liner.

I’m so busy in retirement, I don’t know how I ever had time to work. Ma certainly didn’t coin this phrase. I’d heard it before she retired and many times since. I really thought she was exaggerating, until I’d been retired for a couple years myself. There are so many interesting things to do when you no longer have to earn a living, it really is easy to get too busy.

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Embroidered by my mother; one of the many things she got into as a retiree.

And then I got bit by the writing bug, and now I am truly the busiest I have ever been in my life!

How about you? What pearls of wisdom did your mother throw before swine because you were too young to get it?

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Ohmygosh, I can’t wait to read the comments in this post! 

Hey, and Kass has a new book out. It’s the FIFTH in her mystery series. Check out this blurb:

When a former client reveals a foreign diplomat’s dark past to psychotherapist Kate Huntington, she and her family and friends are sucked into a vortex of international intrigue. Forced into hiding, they struggle to stay one step ahead of a ruthless killer bent on keeping the ambassador’s secret.

Sounds good, right? And even though it’s part of a series, Kass tells me it’s a fantastic stand-alone read! Click on the following links to check it out.





14 thoughts on “Five Things My Mother Used to Say (That I Really Didn’t Get at the Time) – Guest Post by Kassandra Lamb

  1. Kassandra Lamb says:

    LOL Love your mother’s line, Myndi, and your teenage reaction. My grandmother used to say, in reference to Cary Grant, “That man can put his slippers under my bed any time he wants.” When I “got” that one, I was totally grossed out. My GRANDMOTHER was talking about S-E-X. Still makes me shudder a bit.

    Thanks so much for letting me hijack your blog today.

  2. TeacherWriter says:

    Some of these are so funny! I like the one-armed paper hanger. It reminds of my grandmother’s saying, “Busier than a one-eyed dog in a donut shop.” Which I find odd. Would a one eyed-dog really be running around peeping through the donut holes instead of eating the donuts? I still don’t get that one. 🙂 But I love a good mystery. Therefore, I’m off to check out your books, Kassandra!

    • Kassandra Lamb says:

      Awesomesauce!! (To steal one of Myndi’s favorite words) And I am truly LOL. The thought of a one-eyed dog running around checking out the donuts made my own eyes cross. 😀

  3. Sherry Isaac says:

    June roses? How about April? Or am I travelling the wrong way through the calendar? Whatever. Puberty? Bust development? Hey, Ma! I’m still waiting!

    Great post, Kassandra. I love mysteries, so Myndi, it appears I owe a thank you for the introduction.

    • Kassandra Lamb says:

      I don’t know, Coleen, I kinda like that line. Of course, if you’re the kid in the middle of summer whining, “I’m sooo bored,” then one might not like it so much. 🙂

  4. Karen McFarland says:

    Sorry to be late here girls. I was without internet for most of the week. Anyways, Hi Myndi! *waves hi* And Kassandra, I’m not a stalker, lol, just tryng to keep up with your schedule this week. Wow, your a busy author! “Don’t marry the man you think you can live with, marry the one you can’t imagine living without. ” Ain’t that the truth. Feeling loved and secure is a biggie. I am forever grateful for finding that kind of man. I enjoyed your post and I am now hopping over to wherever you are now girl! Loved this! 🙂

    • Kassandra Lamb says:

      LOL Sorry, Karen, I didn’t mean to be so hard to keep up with. I’ll slow down soon. Over at Kathy Owen’s on Tuesday, and then winding up the tour the following week with a post back at misterio.

      I’m really glad you found one of the good guys, too. 🙂

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