The Happy Hausfrau had a dirty little secret.
Nobody would have guessed. Nobody would have thought. She had worked with the kind of diligence only fear could breed to keep her secret just that. Secret.
Even so, she lived in constant fear that someday somebody would discover her dirty little secret and expose what she’d kept hidden in plain sight. That somebody might reveal the skeleton living in her microwave.
Her hands shook as she lit a cigarette from the emergency pack she kept in the freezer. Her I’ll-Take-Mine-Rare red nails matched the door that hid the evidence – whispers of scandalous midnight rendezvous with leftovers better left untouched, dark tales of defrosted meat gone wrong, rumors of popcorn badly burnt…
Tap. Tap-tap. Tappity-tap. The gentle sound of her computer keys as she Googled and Pinterested were reassuring, like the words of an understanding confidant. With any luck she’d find what she needed to get the deed done before the kids got home from school. The thought of it – of living out from under the thumb of that silent, threatening burden – sparked a tiny, smoke-filled, half-hysterical giggle.
Suddenly her hands froze. She pulled the cigarette from her lips and leaned closer to the screen. What was this? She read slowly, carefully, flicking the ashes from her smoke into her empty bourbon glass.
Oh, yes. This would do. This would do nicely. Now no-one would ever have to know what happened behind that blood-red door.
Ever.
This is the 'after'. The 'before' is too damn scary to show. Click this picture to check out Crafty Little Gnome's blog on how to clean your microwave - you won't be sorry! (Hint: It involves vinegar & water and is SUPER SIMPLE!)
P.S. There’s still time to send me your pic for the I AM BEAUTIFUL…Just the Way I Am follow-up post. Send your photos to myndishafer at rocketmail dot com by Feb. 24, and I’ll make sure to include them in the follow-up post that will run on the 29th! Make your declaration of REAL BEAUTY to the world! *hugs*, Myn
Myndi Shafer 
You are such a card! I really hope that wasn’t you in the story – bourbon and ciggies while pregnant? No way would our sweet Myndi do that!
My hubs had a dirty little secret like this when we met. I was so appalled I threw out the microwave and bought a new one. He claimed it was his roommates that made it gross. Uh, huh.
By the way, I love the red microwave! Who knew they could be so cute?
Nope, only part-truths in that story. Mostly the raunchy-dirty microwave part. I’m not a smoker, or a drinker (though I tried to be both in college – which of us didn’t?). And my fingernails are currently green, not red. 🙂
Ha ha! Ours too holds a dirty, awful secret, which needs to be vanquished. I try not to leave the door open, staring at it, for too long…it makes me want to leave it for another microwave…
Well I can’t believe this was your micro Myndi! Not in your hausfrau house! No siree! But where did you get the pic of the red micro? You are so funny!
And don’t be standing too close to the micro preggo lady! I don’t trust those contraptions. Just sayin.
Take care! 🙂
🙂 I keep a wide berth whenever it’s in use. I don’t trust ’em, either, but they’re just so darn convenient. That’s actually a picture of my microwave…as I mentioned in the last post, I’m a big proponent of appliance diversity. *giggle, snort*
Then you’d love my new LG smokin’ red washer/dryer combos and stands! They are hot!
Hehehe. Ours holds many dirty little secrets that requires frequent cleanups. Thankfully (?) it’s mounted so high up I can’t see any of them. LOL Both a blessing and a curse. I also can’t see what I’m cooking or cleaning.
Laughing my buttocks off!
I really like what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and
reporting! Keep up the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll.